Born of Mummy's Heart
Introduction: Our society is more open to adoption now. But children with special needs still find it difficult to find a home for themselves. Reports Puja Goyal...
Article: Once upon a time, there was a family where each individual would be related through blood. The concept of adoption was extinct. Only childless couples would consider adoption. The past ten years has seen a rapid change in the outlook of the society in matters of adoption. This can be attributed to awareness created through media coverage. Couples and individuals (male and female) are open to the idea of adoption. More couples are influenced by their friends to adopt children. Good relationships between adopted children and their parents have resulted in other prospective adopters being motivated to adopt.
Girls VS Boys! As far as the girl -boy ratio and adoption of girls by couples are concerned, the Southern states (Karnataka, Kerala etc) prefer to adopt girls; 8 out of 10 children adopted are girls. In the North, boys are still favored to girls. Nomita adds that, down South, girls are widely adopted because they're more loving and affectionate. She also says that due to high-pressure work schedules, more parents consider adoption as the best alternative.
The society is more open to adoption than before yet children with special needs find it difficult to find a home for themselves. It is important that we define who children with special needs are… children above the age of six, are physical and mentally challenged or impaired, children who have siblings and want to be placed along with the sibling, children who have been through sexual, mental and/or physical abuse which has left an impression on the child and children who have been determined to have abusive or/and alcoholic parents are considered to be children of special needs. ‘It is difficult to place children with special needs’, Nomita admits. ‘Most of these special children are placed abroad’, says Nomita. On questioning as to why these children do not find a home easily, Nomita adds that, ‘Every parent wants a perfect child’.
Nomita says that the first step to placing a child is foster care. ‘Children who are adopted are placed with their prospective parents before they're legally adopted so that the child and the parent get to bond. Even in the case of children who require one-on-one special attention, foster care helps. The foster home is provided with a nominal amount by the agency to take care of the child.’ Said Nomita.
A lot of homework is done before a child is placed with a family. The adopter’s motivation to adopt and their capacity to maintain the child are assessed. There is no distinction between a married, divorced or single male and female adopter. It depends on their capacity to adopt. Placement of a single woman with a girl child and a single male to adopt a male child is encouraged. Though there is no age limit for adoption, there needs to be a difference of at least twenty-one years between the child and the parent. Younger couples prefer younger children. Older couples are encouraged to adopt older children. Adoption is normally not encouraged after a prospective parent turns 42 yrs. Simply for reason that his capacity to take care of a child decreases as he grows older.
Selena (name changed) whose adopted daughter is nine years old now says that she always wanted a girl. Contrary to the belief, there is a dearth of the girl child. Selena believes it is finally a daughter who takes care of her parents while sons grow up and leave.
Adopted children do go through phases of withdrawal as they grow up and it is upto the parents to support and love them unconditionally. They wonder why their birth parents left them. Selena reflects on her experience of adopting a child, ‘There is no profound experience than adopting a child, it gives life a new meaning.’
Article: Once upon a time, there was a family where each individual would be related through blood. The concept of adoption was extinct. Only childless couples would consider adoption. The past ten years has seen a rapid change in the outlook of the society in matters of adoption. This can be attributed to awareness created through media coverage. Couples and individuals (male and female) are open to the idea of adoption. More couples are influenced by their friends to adopt children. Good relationships between adopted children and their parents have resulted in other prospective adopters being motivated to adopt.
Girls VS Boys! As far as the girl -boy ratio and adoption of girls by couples are concerned, the Southern states (Karnataka, Kerala etc) prefer to adopt girls; 8 out of 10 children adopted are girls. In the North, boys are still favored to girls. Nomita adds that, down South, girls are widely adopted because they're more loving and affectionate. She also says that due to high-pressure work schedules, more parents consider adoption as the best alternative.
The society is more open to adoption than before yet children with special needs find it difficult to find a home for themselves. It is important that we define who children with special needs are… children above the age of six, are physical and mentally challenged or impaired, children who have siblings and want to be placed along with the sibling, children who have been through sexual, mental and/or physical abuse which has left an impression on the child and children who have been determined to have abusive or/and alcoholic parents are considered to be children of special needs. ‘It is difficult to place children with special needs’, Nomita admits. ‘Most of these special children are placed abroad’, says Nomita. On questioning as to why these children do not find a home easily, Nomita adds that, ‘Every parent wants a perfect child’.
Nomita says that the first step to placing a child is foster care. ‘Children who are adopted are placed with their prospective parents before they're legally adopted so that the child and the parent get to bond. Even in the case of children who require one-on-one special attention, foster care helps. The foster home is provided with a nominal amount by the agency to take care of the child.’ Said Nomita.
A lot of homework is done before a child is placed with a family. The adopter’s motivation to adopt and their capacity to maintain the child are assessed. There is no distinction between a married, divorced or single male and female adopter. It depends on their capacity to adopt. Placement of a single woman with a girl child and a single male to adopt a male child is encouraged. Though there is no age limit for adoption, there needs to be a difference of at least twenty-one years between the child and the parent. Younger couples prefer younger children. Older couples are encouraged to adopt older children. Adoption is normally not encouraged after a prospective parent turns 42 yrs. Simply for reason that his capacity to take care of a child decreases as he grows older.
Selena (name changed) whose adopted daughter is nine years old now says that she always wanted a girl. Contrary to the belief, there is a dearth of the girl child. Selena believes it is finally a daughter who takes care of her parents while sons grow up and leave.
Adopted children do go through phases of withdrawal as they grow up and it is upto the parents to support and love them unconditionally. They wonder why their birth parents left them. Selena reflects on her experience of adopting a child, ‘There is no profound experience than adopting a child, it gives life a new meaning.’
Adoption is when a child grew in its mommy's heart instead of her tummy. In a story, a family took in a child who was put through various foster homes. The child refused to throw away his suitcase. His mother asked him why he did not want to forgo his suitcase, to which he replied, “Is this where I finally find my home?”
© 2004 Puja Goyal
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