it can happen to anyone.
Dated: Saturday, 19 August 2006, Centrestage
THERE was slight drizzle in the air and it was only eight in the evening. I zipped my jacket, left my studio and headed to the nearby cafÈ for a quick cup of coffee. Nothing could go wrong, after all the place was brimming with people and if something did I could scream, shout, and grab attention. Just then, an auto driver approached me, I thought maybe he needed change. I was wrong. He took out a 500 rupee note from his pocket, and asked, "10, Krishna Apartments bartiraa ( would you come)?"
It took me some time to decipher what that meant. However, I still remember the smirk on the auto driverís face. Itís difficult to forget. I thought maybe it was the way I was dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt. It wasn't as counsellor Mythili M Sarma clarifies, "You could be wearing a burkha; it doesn't matter how you are dressed. This is much more serious than eve-teasing. I'm surprised that most girls are not even tuned into their instincts. Events like these are situational. Itís important to sharpen your feelers and be aware of your surroundings. What if you hadn't heard him and were going home instead of going to your studio? You would have hired the auto, and God knows where he would have taken you."
Almost every women has such a incidents to narrate. Some of them reveal their experiences. Most girls who have been through situations where a car has stopped next to them or followed them, or even stalked them, do not know how to react. The important lesson to be learnt is that one should be alert, confident and tuned in to the surroundings. Most perpetrators study and choose their victims, they pick the ones who look vulnerable.
Crime against women is on a
high. And many women suffer
humiliation when men make
indecent gestures at them
Sometimes these miscreants work as a team. They could have a female who would approach you first. They make friends with you and take you out shopping, buy you gifts and show you all the things you can have. These people follow a planned approach to seducing their victim.
Padma Shimoga, an RJ and actress was scared of going to school as a child. "We had a teacher in fourth standard who used to call my friend for extra classes and give her colourful chalks. The special classes went on for weeks. One day she came to me and said that he used to touch her, and make her do "things". She was scared. I was scared, too. I asked my parents to change my school. As that wasnít possible, I managed to get my section changed."
Both Mythili and RJ Padma agree that transparency between children and parents is crucial. Parents should make it a habit to talk to their children and become their best friends. There is always a clue in the childís behaviour if something is wrong. Donít force them. Pursue the issue at a later time when the atmosphere is more comfortable.
Mythili says, "Observe body language and facial experience. There are clues in them.î It is important for us to empower our children, so they can distinguish and determine for themselves, the difference between right and wrong, because it is impossible to look over them 24/7."
Television actress, Simone Fernandez, (name changed) reveals that sometimes visiting doctors can be scary. "I was visiting a reputed doctor for an annual check-up. He asked me to get some tests done and before I could respond, he ordered an endoscope. Everyone from the nurse to the lab attendant was there. He finished the procedure and suddenly rubbed his privates against my knees. It was the most humiliating experience in my life!" She adds further, "My mother was outside; even then I wasn'ít safe. I couldn'ít file a complaint. Who would believe me?" What about the nurses, wouldn't they support? I wondered out loud. She pointed out, "Everyone knows what happens, but they're bothered about their jobs and if the word gets out that they told on the doctor, no one would hire them."
So, how does one decide when a doctor is becoming a perpetrator? We do not expect a doctor or a teacher to do something inconceivable. It is always advisable to ask for a female doctor and nurse. Always take a family member with you if you can. If you realise that something is not right, it is wise to leave. The reason most cases are not reported is because the victim does not want to be singled out, she is afraid of the social stigma.
RJ Padma is perturbed with the turn of events and she has some advice to give, "Times are changing, and more incidents like these are coming forward. One needs to be able to analyse the situation intelligently and do not be afraid to ask for help." Mythili adds, "A woman should never put herself into a weak situation. Don't blame yourself because it lets you into a vicious cycle of hurt."
Today, even celebrities are not spared and have become ready targets because of the position they have in society. They can be easy victims. Simply because the perpetrator knows that the celebrity will not speak out as there is too much at stake. n
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